So maybe this will be a little sentimental. Well maybe really sentimental and slightly personal. Regardless, I just thought I would write this today for two reasons, the first being that I haven't written anything since October 16th. Whoops...school just takes you and there's not much you can do to fight everything it throws at you! The second reason is that really, I consider my past year to have started on Christmas Eve. I think the days you remember the most are the days that change your life most significantly. You remember the day you started grade school, junior high, high school, your happiest days spent with friends or family, the fun days spent in Disneyland or on the lake. Those are all great memories to have, but the most defining days of our lives are the days we get phone calls that bring us to our knees, or witness a tragedy - and how we react to those events.
Last Christmas Eve was the day that changed my life the most significantly. My mom pulled me into the kitchen after waking me up at about 10 in the morning, with the news that my brother would be coming home from his mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the Dominican Republic the next day due to severe health problems. Without going into great detail, I would never wish the events that ensued in our lives over the next few months upon even my worst enemy. Seeing your best friend, older brother and amazing example in so much agony of soul is one of the worst things anyone could go through. That event created a domino effect in my life, knocking over many other pillars of security I'd had in the past.
I look back over those months with two feelings, the first being relief. I am so glad they are over and my family and I will never have to go through the exact same thing again; although I know we would better know how to handle it a second time around. The second feeling I think back on that time with is a feeling of gratitude. I honestly never though I would feel that way about the hardest 4 months of my life, but I know without a doubt that I learned more about myself, my life, Christ, my goals, how to help others, and how to rely on myself than I ever will learn in so short of an amount of time. It was amazing how, really, EVERYTHING that could go wrong went wrong, but in the end, when just one thing needed to go right, it did. I know without a doubt that prayers are answered. I know that even if few friends stick with you when your world falls apart, those few mean more than the rest of the world. I know that I have friends who will be there at the hospital at 2:00 AM if need be. I know that my family and I can pull through anything as long as we have each other. I know what it is like for no one around me to know how hard it is to just be at school, much less pay attention. I know my parents will do anything for any of their children. I would not understand or have these truths engrained in me had I not been through that experience.
That being said, Christmas has a significantly different meaning for me than in years past. I now understand how lonely Christmas must be without family or friends, in unfamiliar surroundings, performing acts of service only for others. I now understand why Christ suffered in Gethsemane and on the cross and how to better utilize Him and His grace in my life. I know better how to "mourn with those who mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort" and "lift up the hands that hang down." I know that others need me more than I need myself. Christmas has become a time of trying to emulate our Savior's life more perfectly through service and kindness. It has become a time of not asking, but of giving. It is a time to try and seek out those who may be in the same position that my own brother was a year ago. Christmas has changed from being a time of year to a time of joy because our aim is becoming closer to Christ - in our relationship and very nature. I hope none of you have to go through what my family did to view life in a different way. I hope that we can reach out, always, to those who are lonely around us, because goodness, do they need it. Any word of kindness, or comfort or encouragement will be soaked up by those in our lives because despair is much more common than any of you would think. No, it's not just you who despairs. It is those people who act so strong all the time. Those people who act like nothing's ever wrong. Those who are always helping others. Those who are quiet, those who study a lot, those who are foreign or who are rich or who are the only child or one of many children. My point? EVERYONE needs encouragement and help. Everyone. This, in turn, can solve your problems: show kindness to everyone, then you will no longer despair. This new attitude about Christmas has helped me become closer to my Savior, to my friends, to my family and to the world around me. I know that Christ died for me and He will always be there for you and me with open arms. Merry Christmas and I hope that this next year is full of learning experiences, family, friends, but most of all joy.
Oh, and one last way Christmas changed for me? It's become a year-round endeavor. :)
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