Maybe I'm Going to Write About Christmas

     So maybe this will be a little sentimental. Well maybe really sentimental and slightly personal.  Regardless, I just thought I would write this today for two reasons, the first being that I haven't written anything since October 16th. Whoops...school just takes you and there's not much you can do to fight everything it throws at you! The second reason is that really, I consider my past year to have started on Christmas Eve. I think the days you remember the most are the days that change your life most significantly.  You remember the day you started grade school, junior high, high school, your happiest days spent with friends or family, the fun days spent in Disneyland or on the lake.  Those are all great memories to have, but the most defining days of our lives are the days we get phone calls that bring us to our knees, or witness a tragedy - and how we react to those events. 

      Last Christmas Eve was the day that changed my life the most significantly. My mom pulled me into the kitchen after waking me up at about 10 in the morning, with the news that my brother would be coming home from his mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the Dominican Republic the next day due to severe health problems.  Without going into great detail, I would never wish the events that ensued in our lives over the next few months upon even my worst enemy.  Seeing your best friend, older brother and amazing example in so much agony of soul is one of the worst things anyone could go through.  That event created a domino effect in my life, knocking over many other pillars of security I'd had in the past. 

      I look back over those months with two feelings, the first being relief.  I am so glad they are over and my family and I will never have to go through the exact same thing again; although I know we would better know how to handle it a second time around.  The second feeling I think back on that time with is a feeling of gratitude. I honestly never though I would feel that way about the hardest 4 months of my life, but I know without a doubt that I learned more about myself, my life, Christ, my goals, how to help others, and how to rely on myself than I ever will learn in so short of an amount of time.  It was amazing how, really, EVERYTHING that could go wrong went wrong, but in the end, when just one thing needed to go right, it did. I know without a doubt that prayers are answered. I know that even if few friends stick with you when your world falls apart, those few mean more than the rest of the world.  I know that I have friends who will be there at the hospital at 2:00 AM if need be.  I know that my family and I can pull through anything as long as we have each other. I know what it is like for no one around me to know how hard it is to just be at school, much less pay attention. I know my parents will do anything for any of their children.  I would not understand or have these truths engrained in me had I not been through that experience.  

      That being said, Christmas has a significantly different meaning for me than in years past.  I now understand how lonely Christmas must be without family or friends, in unfamiliar surroundings, performing acts of service only for others.  I now understand why Christ suffered in Gethsemane and on the cross and how to better utilize Him and His grace in my life.  I know better how to "mourn with those who mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort" and "lift up the hands that hang down."  I know that others need me more than I need myself.  Christmas has become a time of trying to emulate our Savior's life more perfectly through service and kindness.  It has become a time of not asking, but of giving.  It is a time to try and seek out those who may be in the same position that my own brother was a year ago.  Christmas has changed from being a time of year to a time of joy because our aim is becoming closer to Christ - in our relationship and very nature.  I hope none of you have to go through what my family did to view life in a different way.  I hope that we can reach out, always, to those who are lonely around us, because goodness, do they need it.  Any word of kindness, or comfort or encouragement will be soaked up by those in our lives because despair is much more common than any of you would think. No, it's not just you who despairs. It is those people who act so strong all the time. Those people who act like nothing's ever wrong.  Those who are always helping others. Those who are quiet, those who study a lot, those who are foreign or who are rich or who are the only child or one of many children.  My point? EVERYONE needs encouragement and help. Everyone. This, in turn, can solve your problems: show kindness to everyone, then you will no longer despair.  This new attitude about Christmas has helped me become closer to my Savior, to my friends, to my family and to the world around me. I know that Christ died for me and He will always be there for you and me with open arms. Merry Christmas and I hope that this next year is full of learning experiences, family, friends, but most of all joy.

     Oh, and one last way Christmas changed for me? It's become a year-round endeavor. :)

I've Become That College Kid

For the first few weeks of college, I didn't have much homework, I didn't spend a lot of late nights with friends or time studying at the library. I hate very healthily and went to bed early. This past month has been my stage of evolution into being a regular college kid. I stay out (or usually just up) way too late for no reason at all, spend a lot of time studying and eating random food rather erratically. 


What I do with my time: I spend probably 5 hours a day studying in the library along with going to classes.  That means I get home at around 6 or 7 PM every night, and then I usually just hobo around until midnight then realize I have half an hour of reading. Wasting time like a college kid? Check.

People I spend a lot of time with: My roommates, Lauren, Sam, Hayley, Laura, and Abi, along with a few girls in my hall, Carley and Eliza. Carley and I attempted to go to BYU Tall Club (for girls 5'10" and up and guys 6'2" and up) but determined that the only guys who flaunt how tall they are enough to join a tall club are, well, slightly odd.  I just attempted to make a better list of the people who I love, but I didn't want to chance accidentally leaving someone out! So just know that if you have spent any time with me, legitimately listened to me or even just made me laugh it has made a huge difference this past month! It's been a pretty rough month just adjusting and with other things happening.  I am so blessed to have amazing people in my life here at BYU to have fun with and who are concerned about me. I'm also so blessed by my many friends from home who I still keep in contact with and who are there for me, sharing new experiences, too.

Big events: Well, one event sticks out in my mind above all others.  My best friend, Dan, fell about 18 feet and hit his head (on his way to go to General Conference and visit me), receiving severe head injuries.  There was a miscommunication and I was told that he was dead, when in fact it was a series of complicated/momentary medical prognoses, rather than him actually being dead.  Later that same day I found out that he was actually alive and had brain activity.  There have been a great deal of complications and setbacks, but ultimately, I know that he will get better. If you want to read the particulars, go to http://danielbusicksjourney.blogspot.com/ to read about the daily developments.  I was able to see him yesterday. It was really hard seeing my best friend - the person who I spent the most time with in the past six or seven months - in such a condition. I am very grateful to have seen him, though.  I have so many memories with him; almost everything I do reminds me of an inside joke or some crazy thing we had done with each other.  My lock screen on my phone is a picture of the two of us at seminary graduation, and (This is lame, hokey and corny) I press the button to turn my screen on so many times a day just to see that picture.

Please pray for him!! Take a minute and   I know that his improvements so far have been an amazing miracle, and that he still needs to get so much better.  I know that God will answer our pleas when we pray to Him, and that He is merciful and loving.  I know that God will answer our fasting along with our earnest prayers.

I also got a 94% on my first college test (I studied!! Go me!) and a 64% on my second, despite studying for 6+ hours for that ONE class. :( It makes a big difference when teachers tell you what to specifically study! I'm not going to let it get me down though, I'll just have to study harder next time.  I'm determined to get at least a B in that class!

Changed Attitudes: I'm used to having my best friends from back home just expect to hang out every weekend and do things together throughout the days of the week, so it was a little hard at first to take the initiative with most of my friendships here.  Luckily I've been able to accept that and have forged some very strong friendships with people who I am so lucky to have as friends! It's hard moving to a totally new location with totally new people, but now I realize that learning that there's not always going to be someone else to take the initiative to be friends is a valuable lesson.

Sometimes I Guess I Do Fun Stuff:  My roommates and I do a lot of baking (yes, mostly for boys, so if you have any requests they may or may not be filled if you hang around our apartment a lot ;). We used up 25 lbs of flour in the first 5 weeks of school! I was able to go to dinner with some close family friends, the Smiths, who lived in our same neighborhood when I lived here in Provo.  I attended the World's Largest Dodgeball Game.  I played Fugitive across campus. I FINALLY pranked again....made me feel sooo alive! ;) I took a trip to Rexberg, ID, where BYU-Idaho is and was able to spend time with my best best friends from Montana (I miss my Montana kids!). Random boys came to our apartment and we played Just Dance for a while...it's fun how easy it is to get along with most people here! Mostly, I love getting to know people and see their eyes light up when they talk about something they love. :)

Okay, so this was a terribly generic blog post. Whoops...next time it will be much better. I promise! Some of my friends told me I was due for an update, so this is for them! ;)

Confessions of a First Year College Student

A year ago I was just starting senior year; the effects of severe senioritis began showing.  All of senior year, really, is prepping for college. It's taking the ACT that one last time before you have to apply for school. It's applying for scholarship after scholarship after scholarship, hoping to finance your education.  It's doing lots of really immature things that you're (supposedly) not going to be able to get away with once you get to college.  Well, I never really thought about how different/similar college would be from living at home.

Differences

-No curfew (although I haven't even stayed out past midnight yet)

-No car - it's really not bad, because BYU has soooo much on campus (grocery stores, theater, bookstore, etc), but if you want a bigger selection of products, pastimes or people, a car is something that you will miss a lot.

-So many more classes to choose from!! At my high school we mostly just had the pretty basic classes like math and english with few fun, interesting classes to choose from (except for Sports' Med ;) Some of my favorite classes here are Swahili, Air Pollution and Quality, Social Dance and Honors American Heritage, a government class based almost entirely on the Constitution. The variety and specificity of classes is something I already love, and definitely plan on taking advantage of during my next semesters.
-My main diet here is granola bars and chocolate soy milk. Everything else takes way too much effort to make and clean up, there's too much other stuff to do. Maybe once I get the hang of college I'll be able to explore my more domestic side and actually cook!

-The culture is soooo marriage minded that it can get really frustrating! I'm used to just having a bunch of friends who are boys, with no other intentions (as far as I know) but to be friends. Here, it's kind of like you can't be friends without being interested in each other, which is totally different than what my high school experience was like! That's going to take some getting used to for sure.

-Different people! I miss my best friends from back home sooooooooooooooooo much.  You know the cliche phrase "You never know a good thing 'til it's gone?" Well I've began to realize how true that statement is! I miss my friends and family a ton. Inside jokes, being able to finish each others' sentences, just hanging out, knowing what someone is thinking before they say it out loud, giving each other that look that communicates everything, knowing that someone is there for you no matter what...yeah, I miss it a lot.

-You have to study for college. As opposed to not having to even do homework at CFHS....

Similarities

-I still get back to my apartment by midnight...college is more exhausting than you would think, especially in a climate as hot and dry as Utah Valley and with as large of a campus to traverse.  

-I still slackline as much as possible!!! Other than studying and sleeping, it's the thing I've done the most! PS If you want to pick up boys at college ;) get a slackline!! They are so drawn to it and HAVE to try it to prove their manliness or something. Then they fail and convince themselves that they have to keep trying and maybe they'll get it the next time. Then they want to do it (and therefore hang out) again!

-I still hang out with lots of Mormons (surprising considering I'm at BYU, I know) and am really involved with church! I recently was called as Relief Society 1st Counselor. For those of you who don't know, the Relief Society of the LDS (Mormon) church is the largest (and I believe oldest) women's organization in the world. In each congregation of LDS members, there is a section of the Relief Society. First counselor is kind of like vice-president, if we were to compare the organization to a student council.  The president is my roommate, Lauren, and I'm so excited for this opportunity to serve my fellow students. I know I'll have a lot of fun and get to know a lot of people through this calling. 

-I love my roommates!! We all get along so well and are able to understand each others' sense of humor.  They text me all the time when they see a tall, attractive ginger! At home, I got along very well with my sister, Emily, who also happened to be my roommate! We had so many fun times, and even though we both (okay, usually me) got kind of outrageous on Sunday evenings, we didn't judge each other and had a lot of fun.  My little brother, Niels, and sister, Andrea, have also been roommates at times, and I got along pretty well with both of them (Andrea only more recently ;). I've been blessed to have awesome people to live with for the past 18 years and counting! 

I know that I am so blessed to be at such a great university! I have a beautiful, brand new apartment with awesome girls as roommates. My teachers are all passionate and knowledgeable about the subjects they teach, and I know will help me with anything I need in their classes.  I still have my wonderful friends and family supporting me, however far away they may be. I'm able to keep in touch with my loved ones because of modern technology. I know that Christ is there for me and that I will have so many opportunities to become closer to Him in the next year.  And last, but not least, the BYU Football team won their first game! ;) All in all, life is good, and I have much to be grateful for. 

More Pictures Than Paragraphs

Some realizations have hit me in the past month! First, I have realized how much I am going to miss how beautiful the Flathead Valley is!

And how big the sky is.

How intelligent my friends appear to be....

The power that the ginger pout face has over me....(I had only seen the first Harry Potter but my best friend convinced me to go with him to the premiere of HP7P2).

That my little brother is a thug.

That only I can define success, happiness and beauty for myself.

Just Another Corny Life Goals Blog Post

This tennis season was one of the most fun times of my life. I had a lot of laughs with some very good friends! While my partner and I took first at Northwestern 'A' Divisionals, we certainly didn't finish up the season at State the way we would have liked to. Although we didn't get the place we wanted, I did learn a valuable lesson from my coach. He asked each of us to write down goals that we wanted to accomplish during the season. My partner and I got so caught up in wanting to take first at divisionals, that we never actually filled out our goal sheet. We also became a bit cocky - because we were undefeated until the last game of the season.  Our coach told us that goals mean nothing unless you write them down. I don't know if I totally agree with that, but I do believe that writing goals down helps to remind us of what we want to do with our lives when we get a little off track. Sharing our goals with those who will encourage us also helps us to achieve them. On that note,  I would like to share some goals of mine that are very important to me. Most, but not all, of these goals revolve around my religion and belief in Christ. There are two types of goals I have: things "To Be" and things "To Do." So here are my "To Do" and "To Be" lists.

To Do:
- Graduate from Brigham Young University with honors (Right now my intended plan is major in Public Health and minor in Environmental Science) As of right now I want to study the link between the rate of recovery of a nation's population from a natural disaster and the rate of recovery of the environment from the same disaster.
- Live in a third world country (at the very least for five months)
- Get married in the temple (For any non-Mormons reading this, getting married in the temple is so important to me because when you get married in the temple, you also get sealed for time and all eternity to your spouse. We believe that our families are central to God's plan for us - and being sealed to your spouse also seals all children born between you two to be part of your eternal family. This gives me an incredible peace of mind, knowing that I can be with my loved ones once again. Only those who are living up to certain principles [pay a full tithe, no extra-marital sex, no drinking, no illegal drugs, etc.] of the Gospel are given a recommend [or pass] to attend the temple. So not only does getting married in the temple give me an eternal family, but it will help ensure that I marry someone who is living the same way that I do.)
- Have children - preferably all little ginger children - and raise them up to know a) that I love them and b) that Christ is their Savior. I love little kids and even though the world is beginning to look down upon being a mother, I can't wait.
- Keep in touch with as many loved ones as possible, and be continually meeting new friends. I absolutely love meeting people and hearing about what they really care about - what makes their eyes light up when they talk about it.
- Travel as much as possible - I was talking to my good friend Tami yesterday, and she was telling me about that the places she had been. Then she said something along the lines of, "Instead of spending money on expensive cars, my parents spend money on travel and memories." That is what I plan on doing; I believe that memories and knowledge will ALWAYS be worth more than material things.
- Live in such a way that those who know me will know that I believe in Christ without needing to ask.


To Be:
- Always up for a challenge and an adventure
- Positive and upbeat - not only in my words, but in thoughts and actions
- Kind
- Chill and not the kind of person who freaks out about a lot of stuff. Basically I want to choose my battles wisely.
- That person who always stops for people needing to cross the road
- Loving
- Always smiling or laughing
- Joyful in all my responses to situations in life
- Grateful - and continually express that gratitude!
- That person who people know they can come to for a listening, non-judgmental ear and a shoulder to cry on or someone to be happy with
- Compassionate towards animals (haha CORNY I know, but this is important to me!)

I feel like I am getting closer to some of these goals than I am with others. But each of these goals, whether it is something to be or do, are very important to me. I know that I will grow closer to the best person I can become by reaching these goals. I also know that in the process I will become much closer to Jesus Christ, my Savior, who died so that I could be with Him again. I will learn lessons, overcome obstacles, and reach some dreams that have been a long time coming. And from my standpoint, learning, overcoming, and reaching dreams are what life is all about. Hopefully, with this writing and sharing, my life can be a little more successful and meaningful than this past tennis season!

Two More Months

I recently got a job at the City Pool. As a lifeguard, you ask? No, as a cashier. Why? Because I get to send all the joyous little kids in to an excellent day spent at the pool, and don't have to yell at them for breaking the rules. I also (so far) have gotten quite a bit of time spent just waiting for latecomers or mothers buying family passes for their many die-hard, go to the pool every day children. I'm not the biggest reader, but it has been nice being able to bring books to read during that down time. I had forgotten how much I loved reading (I was the CRAZIEST most socially uncomfortable book nerd from about 3rd grade until 7th).
Well, I started reading an excellent book called Brave Companions. I used to be all about the fiction, but now I absolutely love learning about real people places and events, instead of unicorns, fairies and wizards.  Well, Brave Companions, written by two-time Pulitzer Prize winner David McCullough, is a compilation of "portraits" of figures in history. I am not all the way through the book - but the first few portraits that I have gotten through amazed me. I am in the "Phenomena" section of the book - in which the people written about are those who have made significant contributions to science or literature. The thing that jumped out at me about two of these people - Alexander von Humboldt and Louis Agassiz - is their incredible passion for learning and knowledge. Humboldt and Agassiz were earnest teachers who did not simply teach their students facts, but actually how to learn. Aggassiz, for example, would give his students a fish upon first becoming their teacher. He told them to look at it, and would leave. For days, even weeks a student would have to look at a dead fish, until they learned how much they could learn by simple observation.  They would get excited at what they would find - sharp teeth, the amount of scales or the interesting shape of the fins. Having graduated from high school a few weeks ago, I fear that these passions are very contagious, but unfortunately terribly rare. I think nearly every peer who graduated with me could say that many teachers these days do not legitimately have an earnest passion for what they teach. Many teachers do have a passion for teaching - but that is entirely different from a passion for learning.
Reading these portraits made me realize just how excited I am for BYU. I think in high school it is easy to get caught up simply doing the required work - because that is all the school and teachers really care about you doing. Most teachers don't really care about what you actually learn - they care about you passing. In college, teachers don't even have to care about you passing! However, one of the things that continues to impress me about BYU is the university's outlook on education. If you look at the "Aims of a BYU Education," the main statement says, "BYU seeks to develop students of faith, intellect and character who have the skills and the desire to continue learning and to serve others throughout their lives." I am so proud to be attending a university where not only are solid facts important, but the experiences that will matter more than knowing the difference between eukaryotes and prokaryotes. Things like service opportunities, the Honor Code, friendships, passions, and most importantly, faith in ourselves, the world around us and a Higher Power.  There is so much more to education than worksheets and comparative essays and book work. While part of the reason I'm going to BYU is to gain experience and learn facts so I won't have to be a City Pool cashier for my whole life, there is so much more that I have to look forward to. I leave in two months, and can't wait to be in an environment that will foster a true passion for life-long learning.

The End and the Beginning

A friend showed me this song just a few weeks before graduation, and it hit me how well it addresses how I feel. I've lived in this small town for ten years now, and it has taught me more than I ever would have thought. In the middle of third grade, through fourth grade, I hated Montana - the people, the weather, my school. If you read my journal from that time, I was a pretty bitter little kid, not to mention crazily awkward. Somehow, I managed in the years that followed to become a people person. I don't know how or when it happened, but that was the best change of my life. I have come to absolutely love people - especially those different than me. Class of 2011, you have seen me through the best and worst years of my life. Both of which happened in the last four years.
"Now we're back to the beginning, it's just a feeling and no one knows yet. But just because they can't feel it too doesn't mean they have to forget." We are all moving on to different roads. We moved from the top of the kid-totem pole to the bottom of the adult totem pole. And we will certainly see each other again - reunions, breaks, around town. We've made it through so much together, and apart. I will miss the amazing memories and the people.
"But you'll come back, when they call you, no need to say goodbye." I hate goodbyes - so I'm not going to say one. Because you guys will be with me forever.